Oh, but we do cry!
Picture this: A happy boy child playing on a nice summer day. Chasing friends and finding new spots to steal some shade. Just when you think the game has come to an end, your friend tags you and screams your it. With nothing left to do, you sprint as fast as can be; racing like your in the Olympics and tagging your friend is the gold medal. Suddenly you enter a empty lot full of broken glass and rocks. Picking up speed and running fast, you slip and your chance to catch that friend ends in defeat. Mad because you almost had him you feel a sting and see a stream of red pouring from the middle of your leg. Your friends faces turn from happy to anxious, as you try your best to suck in the tears as you see the big piece of glass that caused all that’s happening here. Some community adults gather and you let one drop of salty wetness appear and then you hear “You better not be crying, because you decided to play over here.”
Embarrassed, injured, and afraid to cry. You suck it all up although the pain of doing that makes you want to die. Why can’t I cry when something really hurts and why did I listen to the man tale of “stop that crying.” I was being taught the age old gender stereotype of big boys don’t cry. Oh yea that was me…the one in the empty lot bleeding out, but was forced not to pout. As a child I was very emotional. Every moment was attached to some sort of emotion. I cried when I got hurt, I cried when family members moved away, I even cried when I graduated from eighth grade because I had to leave a family of friends since that I had since Pre-K. Crying was my thing I guess you can say, but it was never for attention, but to display my common emotional day. I cried to express the way I felt; never being afraid to let others know that as a boy I didn’t always have feelings of joy, but even joy was too much to enjoy.
I often heard from the community of men scolding me with, “stop all that crying, you are a boy”, “you want those girls to see you crying”, or “toughen up, your being a sissy boy.” I was even told that if I cried more that I would be given a dress and a doll from the store. A child, in touch with his emotions had to silence the tears and learn to live in roughness. Leaving me left to hide true feelings and grow up angry and bitter, because things that made me sad begin to anger me. I believed in the gender roles that hindered me and caused me to develop a cold and nonchalant being.
But my emotions wouldn’t evaporate, they had to be expressed somehow without causing a big mess. Not a mess to clean up, but without others noticing that I still had the urge to cry. I have built myself up to know that it was okay to cry. Its upsetting to know that we still lack the ability to let little boys cry. Teaching them as toddlers that you better not cry. WHY? Why are we afraid to show sorrow and sadness? Why are we alright with telling boys who will grow up to be men and influence more boys that its not okay to be emotionally sore. We lack having these real conversations with little boys. Now we see why we have a world full of angry boys who break things, lash out, and take shelter within to settle scores.
Men who grow up adopting these idiotic ideas of masculinity grow up not understanding their emotions of how to deal with them. Silence and anger are keys of dealing when crisis arises and things get to emotional to hide. Subjecting themselves to never acknowledging the pain and abandoning the ability to cry over a bad day. Not even able to pick another brother up, wrap your arms around him, and letting him know it’s okay. No we were built strong and tough. Being a man didn’t come with a function to cry or fuss.
Here are a few ways to prevent today’s boys from telling this same story one day:
1. Teach and talk about feelings. Don’t be afraid of encouraging them to express emotions of sadness, fear, and hurt.
2. Be ready and available to listen to boys without asking questions or offering a lot of advice. Just let them vent and let them ride the emotional roller coaster.
3. Label their emotions and never avoid them. Encouraging them that it is okay to feel that way.
4. Embrace them and tell them that you love them.
A crying boy will develop a healthy man. One who is equipped to handle his emotional stance. He is assured in all that he is and doesn’t give a damn about those who are too macho to understand. He believes that all a man sometimes has is his tears and doesn’t swallow his fears. It’s now the time to start having the right conversation with little boys and motivate them to their embrace emotions and each other. Expressing to them that there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable in front of your homeboys. We keep little boys and men bottled up and then they explode just like the drink that has been shaken up.
Masculinity is changing and the man is evolving, so let’s begin with telling our future men that it is now perfectly okay to cry.
SayWhatNOW?!?! 