Straight to the Point Saturdays.

Respond No More.

And we are back! Yes, I started the sentence with a conjunction, but who honestly cares? Today’s message is much more important than the grammatical errors that may or may not appear throughout this blog. Like many of you I had the amazing opportunity to share Thanksgiving with family and friends. The most precious part of any holiday with family are the great conversations that provide blunt advice with a side of realness that puts you in your place and forms your response of action.

After being stuffed with a delicious spread and equally flavorful libations, I shared my story and gained valuable insight to my issue. With several ways to react and how to dig deeper in the persons attack, I realized something that made me think. Why do we always focus on the response? What do you say after someone says this….or how I would approach the situation if he did that…..or what message would I send if. Why? Why does every situation need a response; a moment that either amps the problem or reveals that you have instantly become emotionally driven to express a vulnerable emotion to a situation that you either:

A. Don’t care about.      B. Does nothing to advance your life.   C.  Will deeper anger you.

D. Just don’t give a damn.

I just didn’t understand why I was seeking out how to respond to someone who apparently no longer added value to my life, but self-adsorbed stories, unrealistic fantasies, ongoing lies, and drinks that combined all three. In this matter I felt the need to not respond. Responding would only express that I cared, when all I really cared about was my exit plan. I never understood why I wanted to respond at all. As a child, it is a natural reaction to issues and problems, but as an adult responding would be a joke. I wouldn’t gain cool points and I didn’t have the energy to resort in petty problems court. I was simply learning to abort every problem and issue with the lack of words and justification; just pure SILENCE!

So why do we respond? Why do we allow words to leave our lips and actions to weaken our bodies to prove a point. When will we learn that not everything deserves a response. We rely so much on the response and not the power in not responding at all. Heck look at me, using Thanksgiving to provide myself with options of response to defeat the beast. I believe that responding provides many of us with useless power. Energy that comes with self-knowing that you proved your point or settled a score. It’s the belief in knowing that you “DID THAT” and the person was left to respond no more. It’s funny how we secretly keep score of the victories we accrue. Leaving us to again appear like conscious fools. 

We respond to everything. A Facebook post that might be about us, but never really states our name. A tweet that talks about a person in the neighborhood who could be either you or me. A friends situation that doesn’t involve you, but your guilt of knowing has you ready to respond and expose your moves. We put too much effort in settling the score than removing ourselves to respond no more. Being absolutely quiet. Saying and avoiding the chance to bring more gas to an already blazing fire.

Let’s practice responding in silence. Giving zero energy to what angers us, but leaving the problem left wondering what our next move will be. There is a powerful strength in silence. When you are silent to something that requires your response, others are unaware of your plan of attack. They await your usual tactics, but being silent leaves nothing to retweet, screenshot, or share. You have created the space to cleanse the air and move along without a care. Now trust me, being silent isn’t always easy and 80% of the time I already have my response drafted. Peace and clarity comes when I don’t respond. I make way for understanding and value of what tried to anger me. It helps me to begin to store people and situations in how valuable they are to me. The need to respond to negativity isn’t my go to reaction anymore, but my reminder on why I shouldn’t be quick to engage in unnecessary nonsense chatter.

When faced with a problem that initiates you to react, Mirandize yourself and stay silent. Don’t give anything that will incriminate your character or your progress. Learn to let people argue by themselves; only to reveal that you no longer need to waste words to prove yourself.  Have no energy to react to stupidity and build a shield that blocks you from feeling the need to when others want to keep digging. Learn that misery loves company and your silence will remove you from unwanted visits and uninvited guest. Ssssshhhhhhhh……I hear you responding. Silence now, silence forever.

mOOd: These lips are zipped!